How can an Omniscient, All Powerful Creator hold his Creation Responsible?

Okay, so this is a little out there and I don’t really think all of my thoughts are as put together as I would like, but I had to get them out…

If I’m going to believe that God is the omniscient and all powerful creator of everything that there is, I’m having trouble understanding how or why he should also hold his creation responsible (damn them to HELL) when they fall short or don’t choose him…when He’s the reason that we have a choice in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the concept of free will and I’m a fan of it…

What gets me is this…

Picture this with me: God is twiddling his thumbs one day, bored and looking for something to do. He hears from one of his angels that one of them is going rogue, he thinks he knows better than God and wants to strike off on his own. And so God banishes this angle (Satan) from Heaven. Not long after, God decides to start creating things (you know the story)…it finally comes time for man and God puts them in the very same garden as this Satan character and tells them about a tree (just one tree) that they absolutely cannot touch and should never eat the fruit from.

TIMEOUT à (A) God is the one who put the tree there, and if he truly is omniscient, he already knew that Adam and Eve would eat the fruit…thus brining “sin” into the world. At the very least, God allowed it to happen…and I would venture a little further in suggesting that it was God alone that made it possible. (B) God is the one who allowed this Satan character to roam amongst his humans, his most precious creation. Before it happened, he would have known that Satan would tempt the humans and lead them astray. If God really is all powerful, he could get rid of Satan, but he doesn’t…why?

The Lone Non-Christian at a Bible Study

On a whim, after much persuasion, I decided to go to a “night of fellowship” with a couple friends.

It was just going to be a bunch of Christians hanging out they told me…

They were wrong.

My worst fear was confirmed.

Turns out it was an actual Bible Study.

I didn’t fit.

I squirmed in my seat and avoided eye contact.

I wanted to laugh and scoff and roll my eyes at their conversation.

I wanted to shake them.

I wanted to escape.

I wanted to believe what they believed and feel what they felt.

I wanted life to be that simple, just for a moment.

If you Exist

Wrote this a few years ago, just found it and realized I can still identify with most of this...

To: YOU…if YOU exist…..

Lord…God…Father…

Who are you?

What are you?

Are YOU real????

What is real?

What is true?

Nothing is real

Everything is real

At the same time

Nothing is true

Anything is true

Who decides what is real?

WE DECIDE.

Or do we?

If we don’t decide, then who does?

Free will

Because we have it, does that mean God doesn’t have control?

He gave it to me

Or did he?

Maybe he doesn’t even exist

Maybe we made him up

Maybe WE created HIM

To answer our questions

To give us purpose

To explain this life

To give things meaning and value

Maybe HE is nothing more than a good idea

Nothing more than a wish, a hope, an ideal……

Archeology…this stone with words of a different language

Somebody told me it says Goliath

Ok; so what of it?

It’s just a stone!!!

You can’t tell me that it proves anything.

It doesn’t prove that Goliath existed,

That he was 9 ½ feet tall,

That David slung a rock at him

That he died

That David was real

That David was king

That God made a promise…

And fulfilled it

That Christ is real

That this faith is true

Really???

You cannot make all those claims from that one little stone!!!!

The stone proves NOTHING!

It is just a stone

A stone with writing on it

I don’t even know if I believe you when you say it says Goliath

I don’t even know you

How do you know?

Isn’t Aramaic a dead language?

How do you translate a dead language?

Why should I believe you?

Who says you’re right?

Truth:

What is it?

How do we determine it?

Maybe truth is nothing more than first hand experience.

I believe that this chair will hold me up…because it is holding me up

I believe that my hair is long….because I’ve combed it

I believe that I have feet….because I’ve put shoes on them on walked on them

I believe that I should eat…..because I’ve been hungry

I believe that rain is wet…..because I’ve felt it on my skin

I believe that this computer is real…..because I’m touching it

I believe that somebody is cooking right now…..because I can smell it and see it

My senses decide the truth

My eyes, my ears, my mouth, my hands….even my memories

They are what define truth for me

NOT some guy in Israel

NOT some philosopher or archeologist or theologian

I don’t even know them, have never seen them, can’t touch them

MY senses tell me they don’t exist - their bodies, their words, their truths.

They do not determine truth for me…

Unless I allow them to

And that’s on ME!

That’s my choice.

Do I have a patent on truth?

Because I’m having trouble accepting everybody else’s

I decide what is true!

NOT some textbook

NOT some stone

NOT some scroll

NOT some person

NOT some church

NOT some institution

NOT some school

Are YOU still there?

I’m confused

I’m angry

I’m stuck

I’m frustrated

WHO ARE YOU?????!!!!!

WHY CAN’T I BELIEVE IN YOU????

Nevertheless, I am writing this to YOU

What a CoNtRAdIcTiOn!

I write to YOU, the one I QUESTION…the one I DOUBT

But who else do I write to?

I don’t want to write to anyone else

I want to believe in YOU

I want to trust in YOU

All these years…

I went to church

I talked of you

I prayed to you

I thought of you

And heard of you

I learned about you

And believed in you – had faith in you….

OR DID I???

Honestly, I do not believe that “faith” was my own

It never was

I was renting what I should have owned for myself

I’m mad that it took me this long to realize

But I don’t think it’s too late

I MUST REARRANGE!!!

I will not walk around in somebody else’s faith

In somebody else’s truth

In somebody else’s conviction

In somebody else’s passion

I must make my own foundation

I must demolish THEIRS

I have to start over

EVERYTHING IS FLUID

NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE

But it is OK

If you are real and are who I suspect…or suspected you to be

I have to believe that you are ok with me

Ok with me here

Happy that I am feeling

Happy that I am questioning

Happy that I am doubting

Happy that I am frustrated

Happy that I am searching

Happy that I am thinking

PLEASED

PATIENT

What does somebody else’s faith do for me?

NOTHING!!!

I am reorganizing and rebuilding

And DESPITE my doubt

I still cry out to YOU

Asking that you help me to put things back together

Asking that you pull me out of this rebellion

Asking that you give me passion and conviction

I want to be with you

But I want to get there for real

And be there for real

Believe you completely

I do not want to be double minded

Do not want to be on both sides of the fence

But I guess this is where I need to be right now…

What is Christianity Supposed to Look Like??

I was thinking the other day about what Christianity is and what it looks like. It got me thinking about how Christianity looks in the lives of some of my friends/family/acquaintances. Here are some of the different outlooks people seem to have on Christianity:

-   God is always out to bless me, he’s my own personal genie in a bottle, and being part of the “Christian” club is all about exclusivity; God’s blessings are only for those who belong to the club and the blessings only really go to those who are extra holy and deserving, as a result: I read the Bible and pray every day, witness to everyone who isn’t a believer, and go to church at least 3 times a week.

-   Being a Christian doesn’t really mean that I have to make any changes to my everyday life or do anything different than non-Christians. It’s ok to have premarital sex, get drunk, smoke weed, and go to parties.

-   Because I’m a Christian, I am not allowed to go to the doctor because God alone is my healer. In fact, I will never admit to anyone (not even myself) when I am sick or have a disease, because doing so would be a disgrace to God, it would show him that I don’t trust him or believe him when he tells me I am whole. (I won’t ever openly admit to this, but…I am kooky and extremist in my beliefs.)

-   We as humans are bad, evil, wretched creations. We should restrict ourselves and our desires and we should berate ourselves for any minor infraction. Christianity is about shame and deprivation.

-   Christianity is real and it’s relevant to me. I go to church on Sundays, but I don’t really think about God any other day of the week.

-   I am a Christian and that is why I dress up and go to church on Easter and Christmas.

-   I may be a Christian, but I’m also really good at lying and manipulating other people. I cheat and I’m a hypocrite, but nobody in my church family would ever believe this about me because I’m really good at covering up my tracks and avoiding questions that might lead someone to my true identity.

None of those depictions seem like the right fit for me. How can Christianity look so different in the lives of different people? I’m still trying to figure out what I think Christianity should look like. More importantly though…DO I even get to choose? It doesn’t seem like I should be able to…(seems like it would leave to much room for error)

How do I believe in ONE way, ONE truth, ONE morality, and NOT become legalistic?

Whenever I hear a Christian talk about…

how gay people are going to hell and shouldn’t be able to get married

or how abortion is always wrong in every circumstance

or how REAL Christians don’t drink, smoke, or have sex

or how looking a certain way, or acting a certain way is sinful

I can’t help but be thankful that I’m not one of them anymore. There was a time when I thought those very same thoughts (and really believed them with conviction).

I’m ashamed of that now.

And I’m scared that it’s not going to be possible to make my way back to faith without becoming that same person again – someone stuck in their ways – someone who’s “always right” (or at least thinks she is) and never opens up to another point of view – someone who is judgmental and rigid.

I don’t ever want to be that person again.

I don’t want to be squeaky clean…

Even though I do often find myself wanting so very badly to get back to a place of faith, I’m conflicted because I don’t want it back in quite the same way.

I don’t want polished and fake.  I want dirty and real. I’m still attracted to cuss words, not following the rules, and marijuana.

And I don't want to have to squeeze myself back inside that small box I used to be in, I want room to stretch out, to grow, to change, and to discover.

Does going back to Christianity mean that I can never again utter a swear word under my breath (or scream them out real loud) when I stub my toe, am really angry, or miss a really great chance at scoring a goal during a soccer game?

Does it mean that I can’t smoke weed anymore and I always have to follow the rules?

Does being a Christian mean that I always have to color inside the lines?

Fast Forward to the Present...

Alcohol loses its appeal…

After reading a blog about alcohol on Like a Child’s blog, I was inspired to write my own (pretty much taken straight off of a comment I left on her blog) which reflects my current views on the topic…

As I was growing up in the church I equated drinking (along with sex, drugs, and parties) as being something that only "non-Christians" do, and while going through high school where everyone was doing all of that stuff, I was proudly declaring that, "I was NEVER going to drink alcohol."

That mentality lasted only as long as my faith did. Once that went out the door, I decided I needed to try a lot of things that I had never allowed myself to try (most of which were not good for me).

It really hasn't been that long but I think I'm pretty much over it. I went out for a friend's birthday this past weekend where I decided not to drink. It was a miserable night. Everyone was nagging on me the whole night to drink and everyone who was drunk was acting like a fool. Turns out: getting drinks spilled on my sandaled feet every 5 seconds, having loud music blaring in my ears and smoke machines burning my eyes along with all types of nasty guys groping, fondling, and grinding on me without my permission is just NOT MY CUP OF TEA afterall.

I've come to the conclusion that drinking is just not for me.

NONE of it tastes good to me. It almost always is equated with staying up way past my bedtime, leaves me feeling sick and tired the next morning and usually leads to a day of laying around doing nothing until I start to feel better...or until it's time to go to bed again. It's a waste of money and a waste of time. I have things to do, places to go, and people to see. I'd like to be awake and feeling good for it all.

Once again, I'm finding that I'm not much of a fan of alcohol...and this time it has nothing to do with Christianity.